Child sexual sexual abuse. Few suggestions for parents.

In my counselling practice past 10yrs, I have seen a number of children who are victims of child abuse from different strata. 
Children with sexual abuse don't come to the counsellor & start off with the abuse they underwent, but speak about other things like conflicts with friends or issues with family members/ teachers so on.They open up about the abuse a few sessions later after they gain the trust of the counsellor.

I would like to share experiences which impacted me deeply.

Ritu (name changed)11yrs old was a 7th std student in a Matriculation School. She was behind me most of the time discussing quarrels with her classmates. Though we found solutions together to work on her issues, she was not satisfied. During our 5th session, she spoke about the trauma she went through for years. Ritu's dad was a photographer for a political party. He had his office downstairs to their house. From her early childhood Ritu was subjected to sexual abuse by multiple people who used to attend his office. Among those was one of her paternal uncle.
She didn't know that it was sexual abuse later when she realized that she was abused, she was scared to talk about this to her dad.
As an adult who knew about her abuse I had the responsibility to convey this to her primary care giver for her safety. I called her parent for a meeting & slowly spoke to him about the trouble the child went through. He was in tears & blamed himself for his negligence and promised to help the child & keep her safe from then onwards. I had a great sigh of relief & started to work with the child with more confidence.During our 6th session was drama session were we together made paper models of  her abusers and she made a decision to hit those models with slippers to vent out her anger. I facilitated the session to enable emotional healing.
That same day when she came back home, her dad scolded & hit her badly for opening up with things which would bring down the family prestige to the counsellor.
The next day Ritu met me & told me what had happened to her & told me that her dad had asked her to meet me & say that such things didn't happen to her. As he felt that these happenings were a shame to him & his family.

What has he done to his child?

I am suggesting few things to parents to help your kids:

Parents should have a good rapport with their children. Only when they find the trust in you they will come & open up their difficulties. If your child opens up about her/his abuse kindly listen to them first. I know how painful it is to digest such things as a parent but this is the time where you need to be stronger to help your child. Take strict action against the abuser if he is someone in your known circle don't hide it to save your family prestige because your child is more important. Reassure the child that s/he has not done anything wrong & it was the abuser's fault and not the child's. Children might develop  lot of guilt after being abused. Take your child to a trained Counsellor/Psychologist who will help your child deal with the trauma.

Swathi Priya. P
Counselling Psychologist

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is Career Counselling for school students?

Career counselling  for school students will help your child to take a decision on what group (subjects) to choose in std 11 & which course to go for after 12thstd. We need to start preparing your child to think about his career goals from std 9 itself, for career choice. What will happen in career counselling? Career counsellor will talk to the student about themselves- their strengths, blindspots, special abilities, their dreams- & establish a good rapport. Take up career assessments (paper pencil work): 1.Know your aptitude (knowledge), 2.what you are interested in?- your child must first know what s/he interested in & 3.what kind of career suites your personality.(every person is different- introverts (sit separately & work, in laptop or in research- book reference) some are extroverts(want lot of people around, out going, indulge in teamwork& some people like travelling a lot). Discuss the test scoring. Parents too can discuss. Career counsellor
Read more

Handling working-from-home stress, during the covid19 pandemic

Working from home can definitely be appealing as there is no dress code, no close supervision, no travel time, and the freedom to decide where you work. Although employees who work from home may experience more of a difficulty, when it comes to setting boundaries between work and personal life. Work-from-home employees may struggle more with freeing themselves and ending their work day, compared to work in an office setting. Challenges professionals face, include adapting to new technologies, like audio and video- conferencing. At home, you have certain comforts that tempt you to indulge in. For instance, if you have a boring interaction with a client, in an office setting you just have to move with it and get on with your workday. But If you work from home, you can actually withdraw and go watch TV or play video games until you feel better. You may also experience many challenges, if you have children and elders at home. Depending on the age of your kids, you may need to deal
Read more

How to deal with an adolescent in love?

Most of you who have adolescent kids, might get shocked when you know that your child is in love, as you least expected it. But you should accept the fact that your child is growing. My strong request to parents is, kindly don’t frighten your child by crying to her/him or to other family members, thinking that s/he has done something very wrong or put the family prestige down. Don’t embarrass your child by sharing about her/his love to your neighbor or relatives and asking them to advice her/him. There are chances for them to talk ill about the child behind your back. Don’t talk irrelevant stuff like ‘I have spent so much on your education & daily expenses, but you have put me down by falling in love’. You might end up making the child feel guilty. Don’t follow them on social media.   Don’t mess-up things by fighting with the other child/child’s parents (with whom your child is in love with). Don’t threaten or blackmail the child by saying statements like ‘I will kill myself
Read more