How to deal with an adolescent in love?

Most of you who have adolescent kids, might get shocked when you know that your child is in love, as you least expected it. But you should accept the fact that your child is growing.

My strong request to parents is, kindly don’t frighten your child by crying to her/him or to other family members, thinking that s/he has done something very wrong or put the family prestige down. Don’t embarrass your child by sharing about her/his love to your neighbor or relatives and asking them to advice her/him. There are chances for them to talk ill about the child behind your back. Don’t talk irrelevant stuff like ‘I have spent so much on your education & daily expenses, but you have put me down by falling in love’. You might end up making the child feel guilty. Don’t follow them on social media.  Don’t mess-up things by fighting with the other child/child’s parents (with whom your child is in love with). Don’t threaten or blackmail the child by saying statements like ‘I will kill myself if you talk to her/his (girlfriend/boyfriend)’.Such strong statements will curb the child emotionally.
It is very necessary for us to help our children grow with self-love & respect. Thereby it is time for us to do some work on ourselves to handle our kids effectively. Let us look into few guidelines to handle them.
As I shared in few of my previous articles it is very important for parents to establish a good rapport with your child. For your child to open up with you about her/his love, s/he needs to have the trust in you. S/he should believe that my parent will not judge nor mock me for expressing my genuine feelings. If your child knows that you accept and respect her/him for what s/he is, they will not conceal their love relationship.
Ensure them that falling in love at this stage is natural & appreciate them, in case they were the one’s who opened up with you, about it. At the same time insist them there are other things too which s/he has to prioritize during adolescence. Children take up their board exams as well as make career choices during this period. Remind your children often that to be successful in life, they need to focus on improving their aptitude in subjects of interest and also mold their overall personality. Provide them with opportunities for their growth. Help them equip themselves with necessary life skills to survive in tomorrow’s job market like communicating assertively, taking up Challenges, decision making, perceiving other’s perspective so on. Provide channel’s to exert their energies by encouraging them to participate in sports & other extra- curricular activities of their interest. Let them make more friends.
Suggest your child to draw boundaries with their girl/boyfriend. Speak openly about the need to keep themselves physically safe. Inculcate moral value system in them.
Set up timing for using mobile phones & online social networks.
Educate your adolescent about love break-up too. Tell your child that any relationship can’t be taken for granted, hard times too arise. In spite of giving our 100% in a relationship it can still break.
Empower your adolescent.

Swathi Priya. P
Counselling Psychologist

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is Career Counselling for school students?

Career counselling  for school students will help your child to take a decision on what group (subjects) to choose in std 11 & which course to go for after 12thstd. We need to start preparing your child to think about his career goals from std 9 itself, for career choice. What will happen in career counselling? Career counsellor will talk to the student about themselves- their strengths, blindspots, special abilities, their dreams- & establish a good rapport. Take up career assessments (paper pencil work): 1.Know your aptitude (knowledge), 2.what you are interested in?- your child must first know what s/he interested in & 3.what kind of career suites your personality.(every person is different- introverts (sit separately & work, in laptop or in research- book reference) some are extroverts(want lot of people around, out going, indulge in teamwork& some people like travelling a lot). Discuss the test scoring. Parents too can discuss. Career counse...
Read more

More women are doing phD compared to men. YES

Image
Ponmudi sir yes correct, more women are doing phD compared to men. But I feel there are certain reasons for that. I too was a research scholar.  Just thought of sharing a few of my experience with my social media friends. There are a lot of good hearted teachers who are very much interested in their students' welfare. I too teach & I have beautiful colleagues. But it's not the same case everywhere. A few  professors/guides( both men & women)whom I have met are very rude people. They don't treat research scholars properly. A few will not even offer you a chair to sit, if you enter their cabin. The research scholar has to stand for long hours to even get a signature from their professor/guide. There are some professors who misuse their authority. For example, if that person doesn't like you or have some personal vengence against you s/he will not support you to finish your research on time. Your work can extend for years.  According to me in most cases women are m...
Read more

Handling working-from-home stress, during the covid19 pandemic

Working from home can definitely be appealing as there is no dress code, no close supervision, no travel time, and the freedom to decide where you work. Although employees who work from home may experience more of a difficulty, when it comes to setting boundaries between work and personal life. Work-from-home employees may struggle more with freeing themselves and ending their work day, compared to work in an office setting. Challenges professionals face, include adapting to new technologies, like audio and video- conferencing. At home, you have certain comforts that tempt you to indulge in. For instance, if you have a boring interaction with a client, in an office setting you just have to move with it and get on with your workday. But If you work from home, you can actually withdraw and go watch TV or play video games until you feel better. You may also experience many challenges, if you have children and elders at home. Depending on the age of your kids, you may need to deal ...
Read more