Adolescents in love- dealing strategies for parents
Most of you who have adolescent (pathin paruvathinar) kids, might get shocked when you know that your child is in love, as you least expected it. Whatever said & done. You should accept the fact that your child is growing up.
What are
few things you should do?
1.Don’t frighten
your child by crying to her/him or to other family members, thinking that s/he
has done something very wrong or put the family prestige down.
2.Don’t embarrass your
child by sharing about her/his love to your neighbor or relatives and asking
them to advice her/him. There are chances for them to talk ill about the child
behind your back.
3.Don’t talk
irrelevant stuff like ‘I have spent so much on your education & daily
expenses, but you have put me down by falling in love’. You might end up making
the child feel guilty.
4.Don’t follow them
on social media.
5.Don’t mess-up
things by fighting with the other child/child’s parents (with whom your child
is in love with).
6.Don’t threaten or
blackmail the child by saying statements like ‘I will kill myself if you talk
to her/his (girlfriend/boyfriend)’.Such strong statements will curb the child
emotionally.
It is very
necessary for us to help our children grow with self-love & respect.
Thereby it is time for us to do some work on ourselves to handle our kids
effectively.
Let us look into
few guidelines to handle them.
It is very
important for parents to establish a good rapport with your child. For your
child to open up with you about her/his love, s/he needs to have the trust in
you. If your child knows that you accept and respect her/him for what s/he is,
they will not conceal their love relationship.
S/he should believe
that my parent will not judge nor mock me for expressing my genuine feelings.
Things to do:
1.Ensure them that
falling in love at this stage is natural & appreciate them in case they
were the one’s who opened up with you, about it.
2.Suggest
your child to draw boundaries with their girl/boyfriend. No unnecessary talks. Speak
openly about the need to keep physical boundaries. Not allow others to touch
your body. Inculcate moral value system in them.
3.Set
up timing for using mobile phones & online social networks.
4.At the same time
insist them there are other things too which s/he has to prioritize during
adolescence. Children take up their board exams as well as make career choices
during this period. They need to focus on improving their aptitude in subjects
of interest.
5.Provide channel’s
to exert their energies by encouraging them to participate in sports &
other extra- curricular activities of their interest.
6. Let them make
more friends.
7.Remind your
children often that to be successful in life, Provide them with opportunities for
their growth.
8.Help them equip
themselves with necessary life skills to survive in tomorrow’s job market
like communication skills, taking up
Challenges, decision making , perceiving other’s perspective so on, and also
mold their overall personality.
8.Warn your
adolescent about love break-up too. Tell your child that any relationship can’t
be taken for granted, hard times too arise. In spite of giving our 100% in a
relationship it can still break.
This is what I do to adolescents who approach me for love problems.
Empower your adolescent, as adults its your responsibility.
Swathi Priya. P
Counselling Psychologist
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