Psychologist at work

  Most of you who have adolescent (pathin paruvathinar) kids, might get shocked when you know that your child is in love, as you least expected it. Whatever said & done. You should accept the fact that your child is growing up. What are few things you should do? 1.Don’t frighten your child by crying to her/him or to other family members, thinking that s/he has done something very wrong or put the family prestige down. 2.Don’t embarrass your child by sharing about her/his love to your neighbor or relatives and asking them to advice her/him. There are chances for them to talk ill about the child behind your back. 3.Don’t talk irrelevant stuff like ‘I have spent so much on your education & daily expenses, but you have put me down by falling in love’. You might end up making the child feel guilty. 4.Don’t follow them on social media.   5.Don’t mess-up things by fighting with the other child/child’s parents (with whom your child is in love with). 6.Don’...

Career counselling  for school students will help your child to take a decision on what group (subjects) to choose in std 11 & which course to go for after 12thstd. We need to start preparing your child to think about his career goals from std 9 itself, for career choice. What will happen in career counselling? Career counsellor will talk to the student about themselves- their strengths, blindspots, special abilities, their dreams- & establish a good rapport. Take up career assessments (paper pencil work): 1.Know your aptitude (knowledge), 2.what you are interested in?- your child must first know what s/he interested in & 3.what kind of career suites your personality.(every person is different- introverts (sit separately & work, in laptop or in research- book reference) some are extroverts(want lot of people around, out going, indulge in teamwork& some people like travelling a lot). Discuss the test scoring. Parents too can discuss. Career counse...

Ponmudi sir yes correct, more women are doing phD compared to men. But I feel there are certain reasons for that. I too was a research scholar.  Just thought of sharing a few of my experience with my social media friends. There are a lot of good hearted teachers who are very much interested in their students' welfare. I too teach & I have beautiful colleagues. But it's not the same case everywhere. A few  professors/guides( both men & women)whom I have met are very rude people. They don't treat research scholars properly. A few will not even offer you a chair to sit, if you enter their cabin. The research scholar has to stand for long hours to even get a signature from their professor/guide. There are some professors who misuse their authority. For example, if that person doesn't like you or have some personal vengence against you s/he will not support you to finish your research on time. Your work can extend for years.  According to me in most cases women are m...

Should we segregate students on the basis of gender(paalinam) ? Many schools & colleges in our Country, in the name of culture & discipline (ozhukam) don’t allow boys & girls to mingle with each other. They can’t talk to each other, in the institution premises/campus . In certain institutions students can’t use the same corridor & staircase . Students are viewed even in the school/college bus through cameras to ensure that they don't speak to the opposite gender. Disciplinary action is taken against the ones who do not follow these rules. We shouldn’t segregate students on the basis of gender, from childhood itself . Your child interacting with children of the opposite gender is part of healthy growing.  Students who grow up with a mixed gender group develop mutual respect for each other. If a boy child and girl child, are close friend, they will treat each other well from the beginning. It paves way for a male child to know what a girl goes through,...

‘Ungaluku vandha ratham adithavanuku vandha thakali chutney ah?’ Dear friends I want to share a very disturbing incident with you which happened yesterday. Myself and my husband were travelling by train from Chennai to Coimbatore. A youngster was seated before us and was very busy with his mobile phone. My husband by chance noticed him taking pictures and videos of the woman who was seated on the left side, and showed what this guy did to me. That woman was sitting along with her 2 little children. She dozed off in sometime. This guy took note of it and started zooming and recording her, through his cell phone camera as her saree moved a little away. My husband immediately raised his voice and questioned that guy on what he was doing.   That guy couldn’t face my husband and he rushed into the restroom. My husband alerted the woman and others about this guy’s behavior. There were many other men seated next to us. As soon as this guy came out of the restroom that woman, myself ...

Working from home can definitely be appealing as there is no dress code, no close supervision, no travel time, and the freedom to decide where you work. Although employees who work from home may experience more of a difficulty, when it comes to setting boundaries between work and personal life. Work-from-home employees may struggle more with freeing themselves and ending their work day, compared to work in an office setting. Challenges professionals face, include adapting to new technologies, like audio and video- conferencing. At home, you have certain comforts that tempt you to indulge in. For instance, if you have a boring interaction with a client, in an office setting you just have to move with it and get on with your workday. But If you work from home, you can actually withdraw and go watch TV or play video games until you feel better. You may also experience many challenges, if you have children and elders at home. Depending on the age of your kids, you may need to deal ...

 A phobia is an irrational fear of something that will actually not cause. The word itself comes from the Greek word phobos, which means fear or horror. When someone has a phobia, they experience intense fear of a certain object or situation. Phobias are different than regular fears because they cause significant distress, interfering with daily life routine of the individual. Ramani 52yr old house wife, (name and other details changed due to confidentiality) visited a psychiatric hospital with complaints of intense fear of closed places like locked windowless rooms, lift in showrooms, malls and also crowded bus, party/marriage halls, driving on congested road so on. She used to look for the exit door in every crowded space, she enters and stand near it. She had severe fear undergoing a MRI or CT scan too. Ramani was diagnosed with claustrophobia. Claustrophobia is a situational phobia triggered by an irrational and intense fear of confined or crowded spaces. People with ph...

Here are top helpful ways to deal with anxiety ·          Understand that anxiety is not your fault: Our system has been constantly triggered due to the pressures which the world around placed on us. The stress hormone released in our body, is keeping us in a state of fight or flight. This had developed into a state of automatic response and we developed the habit of anxiety. ·          Understanding the way you speak to yourself We need to take care of our mind, like a parent taking care of a child. Everything that we say to our mind conditions a response of either fear or love depending on our thoughts. We need to be kinder and calmer to this child. By becoming more positive, we are not becoming a new person but we are accessing a part of ourselves that is already there. It is about tapping our ‘Best self’. ·          Recreate your life story Recreate the...

This post is to create awareness about intense anxiety, it's effects and role of psychologist/therapist in it.  Deepthi, 18 yr old medical college student was rushed to the hospital, midnight with symptoms of chest pain, rapid heart pounding, sweating, trembling of hands and legs. She experienced tightness in the throat and chills running through her body. Her mother brought her suspecting heart-attack. She was taken to the emergency care for examination. The doctor checked her found that she was physically very normal. He spoke to her for quite some time and her symptoms reduced. He gave her a vitamin injection. He suggested the parent to take her to a psychologist and she was sent back home. Deepthi, ,had a panic attack. She had her semester examination in a week’s time and so was in too much of stress and anxiety as she had lot of subjects/syllabus to study. She was worried about her performance results. Her mother was a strict parent and was expecting a lot of marks from he...

Hypothetical deductive reasoning: Adolescents, thinking becomes more systematic & logical in solving problems. They think of possible courses of action, why something is happening the way it is, and seek solutions. For example a conflict arises between friends, s/he identifies the problem. and plans for the solution by evaluating the outcome. Imaginary audience: Adolescents believe that others are as preoccupied with them as they are about themselves. They imagine that people are always noticing them and are observing each & every behavior of theirs. For example a boy who has spikes, is very much cautious about his hair and a girl who uses make-up, might feel that everyone is looking at her. Personal fable: Adolescents' sense of uniqueness makes them think that no one understands them or their feelings. For example an adolescent thinks that he has a lot to study, but his parents/teachers don't empathize with her/him nor understand her/his difficulties. To ret...

Cognitive developmental changes in adolescence: Idealistic thinking: An ‘ideal’ is a person or thing conforming to a standard of perfection & excellence and taken as a model for imitation. Adolescents think about ideal characteristics for themselves and others and compare themselves & others with these ideal standards. For example, they may think what an ideal parent is like and compare their parents with these ideal standards. A teenager in admiration of a film star idealizes her/his image, imagining them to have a perfect life, to be kind and thoughtful, and so on. They ignore the star's flaws. They can imagine an ideal world and think about alternative systems of political, religious, family, and moral organization. The disparities between the idealism of adolescents and the "real world" concerns of adults increase tension between many teenagers and their parents. Abstract thinking: Abstract means ‘ existing in thought or as an idea but not havi...

Here are a few incidents were I helped kids deal with peer pressure: I worked with an 8yr old child, from a reputed school who was referred to me for counselling, for stealing 'pens' from fellow classmates. When he narrated this incident to me I found that he had done this due to fear of being rejected by his friends. The child's friends had a competition among themselves of who could collect maximum number of 'pens' from school. He didn't want to indulge in this act in the beginning, as picking was against his value system but he yielded later due to his friends. He got caught during the act of picking. I taught the child that he had to respect himself by sticking to his value system. I taught him assertive ways of communicating, when people ask him to do something which he doesn't approve of. I told him that its ok to lose friends than to indulge in wrong behaviour and there are many others who will accept him for who he is. I suggested his parents t...

Teenagers who come to me for counselling, often have concerns about their love relationship. I encourage them to speak about their issues and provide the necessary guidance. As a psychologist I would say falling in love, is part of healthy growing. As I discussed earlier, in my previous articles, according to Maslow’s hierarchy, after our physical and safety needs are met, individuals start looking for love & belongingness needs. We, adults need to equip ourselves with the necessary skills to deal with adolescents in love and guide them in the right track. First of all we need to understand the physiology behind falling in love. Researches show that hormonal changes, triggered by brain and body developments are responsible for the intense feelings of sexual attraction and falling in love. Testosterone and oestrogen – male and female sex hormones – are associated with heightened sexual urges, while the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin are implicated in attachment and bonding....

How to encourage friendship in childhood? & the psychology behind it.   All of us need friendship in our life. Why do we want to form bonds? Let us start over an analysis of the Psychology behind making friends.   Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five-level model of human needs, by Psychologist Abraham Maslow in 1943.   The primary need of every individual is  1.     physiological (need for water, food, and sex) and 2.     safety needs (the desire of humans for shelter & security) .Once it has been fulfilled, comes  3.     Love and belongingness needs  4.     self-esteem needs (self-respect, status & recognition) and  5.     Self-actualization (to be fully alive and to find meaning in life).    Love and belongingness , is a social need and involves...